none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
