apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
