i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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