the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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