Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
