So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
