Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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