i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
