Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
