I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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