So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
