No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
