Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
