we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
