Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
