I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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