i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
