So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
