All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
