Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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