it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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