Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I smell stomach acid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
