we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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