I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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