I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
