Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
