HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
