Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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