I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
