i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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