Me. At least after what I've been through.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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