there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do herpes really smell.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
