i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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