tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
