What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so let's talk penis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
