Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ttyl tear gas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
