Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
