what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
