She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
