Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Congratulations! We have a period
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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