Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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