we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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