she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
