Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
