We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
