we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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