Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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