awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
