me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
