I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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