i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
