It's Friday. Sex?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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