Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
