There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
