remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
